home. puking in laundry basket.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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