I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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