Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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