i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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