They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
