Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
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i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
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