I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
It's never too late to be topless.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
