never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
