just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
