Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?