i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
My throat feels like a candle.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
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I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
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Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask