I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
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It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
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I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.