Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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