I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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