my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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