God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
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No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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