I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
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Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
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All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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