So drunk its hurt
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
After tacos, we're chasing women.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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