it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
