Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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