you guys were way drunker than both of me
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
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Even my vagina gasped.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
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The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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