I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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