this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
