the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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