We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
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she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
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So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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