Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
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At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
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You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.