if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag