Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up