she looked like the before picture.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.