know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
