You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
