it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
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How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
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when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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