How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
