I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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