Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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