I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
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She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
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I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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