an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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