How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize