Pants 0. Shit 1.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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