This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
