it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.