I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
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I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
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She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important