So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
It's official drugs can't kill me
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
whose ass print is on the piano?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.