How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .