why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia