I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?