Jerry, you need to find god
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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