We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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