Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
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All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
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Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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