I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
