Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
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I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
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We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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