Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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