Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
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Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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