We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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