Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize