i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
