Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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