You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
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Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
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I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
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