Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
