Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
