I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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