You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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